Writing thank you notes can be quite a big job, especially if you wait until the last minute. If you start the job as soon as gifts begin to arrive, you’ll find this final important task congenial and gratifying.
Get Organized!
Buy thank-you cards ahead of time and set up a spreadsheet when you begin addressing your invitations. This will help to help keep track of the correct spelling of names, addresses and phone numbers. Use this list to record guests’ responses and, ultimately, gifts you receive. When you open presents, immediately record who gave you what. Despite your best efforts, a few gifts may become separated from their cards. If the gift was from your registry, call the store to see if it has a record of who purchased it. If not, you may have to try figuring it out by the process of elimination.
How Much Time Do You Have?
Ideally, you should acknowledge every present immediately; writing a note within a couple of days is best, But sending it within two weeks is also acceptable. Absolutely do not wait any longer than three months. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have one year.
To ensure the task doesn’t become too overwhelming, write notes in small batches. Diane Warner, author of “Contemporary Guide to Wedding Etiquette” (Career Press; 2005), offers this strategy: “Set a goal of writing three or four thank-you notes per day. Don’t try to tackle them all at once, otherwise they may tend to become too brief or start sounding trite.” She also recommends that both the bride and the groom divide the note-writing duties, which theoretically should cut the time it takes to complete the entire job in half.
What Should Our Notes Look Like?
For weddings, the most traditional thank-you cards are white or ecru and measure approximately 3 1/2 by 5 inches, with a top fold. They can be monogrammed or embossed with a motif you’ve used on other decorations; many couples buy thank-you notes that match the style of their invitations. With a monogram, remember that it’s improper to adopt your married monogram until after the ceremony. You might combine the initials of your first names, instead, or use different cards for thank-you notes that are sent out before the wedding date. There are also lots of beautiful store-bought note cards, even some with letterpress designs.
What To Say?
You don’t need to write a lot — four or five sentences will suffice — as long as what you do express is heartfelt. Identify the gift, say why you appreciate it, why it has a personal meaning for you, and how you plan to use it. If the giver came to the wedding, especially from a distance, also include a sentence thanking him for attending: “Thank you for coming to our wedding. Your presence made our day extra special. David and I love the coffeemaker. We’ve used it every day since we got back from our honeymoon. Thanks so much.” For cash gifts, you need not mention the dollar amount, but it’s a nice touch to say how you plan to spend the money. (”Robert and I are putting the money toward our new patio furniture. We hope you’ll come for a visit with us soon.”) Every giver — even someone whose present you did not like very much — deserves to receive a sincere expression of your thanks.
Who Should Write and Sign?
It is customary for just one person to write and sign each note, mentioning his or her spouse’s appreciation (”Robert and I want to thank you. . . .Love, Sarah”). However, co-authored notes, signed by both the bride and groom, are also acceptable. One easy way to share the work is for the bride to write to her own family members and friends, and the groom to his. The sign-off should reflect your relationship to the recipient. “Love” is suitable for close friends and family; “sincerely” may be the most appropriate when you’re writing to someone such as your manager at work. You needn’t sign off with your full names with people you’re close to, but you may want to use them in thank-you notes to business associates and friends of your parents.
