Yes, we all encounter those moments when someone opens their mouth and really stupid stuff comes out. If you’re like me, you think of great snotty comebacks right away (but don’t say them out loud) and then think of the appropriate, polite comeback about 2 days later.

So I came across this gem in the The Knot magazine and had to share it. (The text written in pink is what dumb a$$, stupid person said and the text in black is what classy, polite YOU should say. Uh…I may  have slipped in my own thoughts (in green).

“Is that really the ring you wanted?”

Yes, we’re both really happy and excited! Thanks for noticing!  (it’s even better than the one I wanted!)

“The bridesmaids dresses are ugly”

I’m sorry you don’t like it, maybe we can find a middle ground. Tell me why you don’t like it - is it the fit, the color, the style? Her disapproval could mean that she’s strapped for cash, so before you react harshly, talk to her. (_______ ________)

“Who’s paying for all this?”

That’s between John and me. (None. Of. Your. Damn. Biz.)

“How much did it cost?”

An arm and a leg. (None. Of. Your. Damn. Biz.)

“Am I invited?”

We haven’t finalized our list yet or, another one is, “due to a super tight budget we’re keeping things intimate and keeping the guest list short.” (Not anymore)

“I only eat organic free-range chicken”

Unfortunately, our caterer isn’t going to be able to accommodate that, but I’m sure you’ll love the appetizers at the cocktail hour. (Starve).

“So when are you going to start a family?”

Be vague - say, “we’d love to be parents someday but we’re going to take things one day at a time, starting with the wedding. (Oh my God, am I showing?)

Not sure how much give for a wedding gift?

Relax! Click right here for a great calculator.

Are you sitting there at the reception listening to the best man or maid of honor make their toasts and decide you’ve got something brilliant to say? Stay put. Only those who have been asked ahead of time should stand up to speak. After all, it sucks to embarrass yourself.

You’re invited to a wedding! Here are some do’s and don’ts:

• RSVP by the deadline. Even if you’ve already told the couple that you’ll be there.
• Don’t call the bride on the day of the wedding for any reason at all. DO NOT CALL!
• Don’t wear white or cream (did I really have to say that? Unfortunately, yes.)
• Don’t bring your gift to the wedding. It may get lost or damaged.
• Help get the party started - hit the dance floor first.
• Don’t change your table at the reception. So annoying.
• Let the DJ be the DJ. Don’t bug him/her with requests. The bride and groom have already chosen the songs that they want.
• DON’T take the centerpieces home! They may be in rented containers, the vases may belong to someone else, or the flowers may be going to a nursing home.
• Don’t complain about having to re-arrange your schedule to make it to the wedding. It’s rude.
• Questioning whether your kids under 18 are invited??? Children under 18 traditionally are not listed on the the outer envelope; if they’re invited to the wedding thier names will appear on the inner envelope, along with their parents names. If the inner envelope lists only your name and your husband’s, leave the kids at home. If the invitation does not use an inner envelope, all names of those invited will be written on the outer envelope.

courtesy of Brides Magazine March 2008