Q: Should we send invitations?

A: Absolutely. You won’t be inviting every single wedding guest to your rehearsal dinner, so it’s important to send separate invitations to avoid confusion.

Q: When should we send invitations?

A: No later than four weeks before the date.

Q: Any special rules about the invitations?

A: Nope. The rehearsal dinner is typically less formal than the wedding reception so you definitely have a lot more room for creativity with the design and wording on the rehearsal invitation. Just don’t forget to give credit to the hosts.

Q: How big of a meal is expected?

A: If you’re inviting someone to “dinner,” then you should serve them dinner-sized portions.

Q: Is it appropriate for people to speak at the rehearsal dinner?

A: Yes! It’s a great time for your friends to share stories and memories. Speeches at your rehearsal dinner are also a great alternative to those long speeches at your wedding reception.

Q: Is it okay to offer to split the cost of the rehearsal dinner with the groom’s parents.

A: Of course. If you’re worried that the expense is too much for one family, splitting the cost is perfectly appropriate. Remember, you want this night to be fun, not stressful.

Credit: The Knot

I know I cover this topic a lot, but it comes up a lot.
Here goes:

• The words honour and favour are traditionally used when the ceremony is being held in a house of worship or for a formal invitation.
• While traditional invitations use the phrase “at the marriage of” it’s fine to alter the words for a less formal invitation. For example, “invite you to the wedding of…” or “we hope you will join us for the marriage of…”
• There is no punctuation except for the periods after Mrs., Mr., etc. and where phrases requiring commas appear in one line (Saturday, the seventh of June).
• Titles such as “Doctor” and other professional titles/military ranks are written in full.
• Names are written in full. For example, if the groom goes by A.J., his name would be written out as Adam Joseph.
• When an invitation is to the ceremony only, it does not include an rsvp.
• Numbers of the street address (on the invitation - not the envelope!) are written as numerals: “519 South Eads Street” but when there’s just one number it’s spelled out: “Ten East Avenue”
• Half hours are written as “half after five o’clock”, not “half past seven” or “seven-thirty.”
• Numbers of the date are spelled out: “the ninth of August”

Yes, we all encounter those moments when someone opens their mouth and really stupid stuff comes out. If you’re like me, you think of great snotty comebacks right away (but don’t say them out loud) and then think of the appropriate, polite comeback about 2 days later.

So I came across this gem in the The Knot magazine and had to share it. (The text written in pink is what dumb a$$, stupid person said and the text in black is what classy, polite YOU should say. Uh…I may  have slipped in my own thoughts (in green).

“Is that really the ring you wanted?”

Yes, we’re both really happy and excited! Thanks for noticing!  (it’s even better than the one I wanted!)

“The bridesmaids dresses are ugly”

I’m sorry you don’t like it, maybe we can find a middle ground. Tell me why you don’t like it - is it the fit, the color, the style? Her disapproval could mean that she’s strapped for cash, so before you react harshly, talk to her. (_______ ________)

“Who’s paying for all this?”

That’s between John and me. (None. Of. Your. Damn. Biz.)

“How much did it cost?”

An arm and a leg. (None. Of. Your. Damn. Biz.)

“Am I invited?”

We haven’t finalized our list yet or, another one is, “due to a super tight budget we’re keeping things intimate and keeping the guest list short.” (Not anymore)

“I only eat organic free-range chicken”

Unfortunately, our caterer isn’t going to be able to accommodate that, but I’m sure you’ll love the appetizers at the cocktail hour. (Starve).

“So when are you going to start a family?”

Be vague - say, “we’d love to be parents someday but we’re going to take things one day at a time, starting with the wedding. (Oh my God, am I showing?)

Words, Words and more Words

You’ve chosen your invitations (hopefully, from Cami’s Paperie), you’ve picked your colors and hammered out the guest list. Now…what should the invitations say? Correct wording follows a basic format and, in most cases, is pretty darn simple.

The basic line order is as follows:

• Host line
• Request line
• Bride and Groom names line
• Date and Time line
• Location line
• Reception line (optional)

Consider each line on the invitation as a section of the wording which can take up multiple lines on the invitation. For example, the bride and groom line usually takes three lines: one for the bride’s name, another for “and” or “to,” and a final line for the groom’s name.

The host line lists the names of those hosting (paying for) the ceremony, (traditionally the parents of the bride). It should come first on the invitation and is reserved only for the hosts, whoever they may be. If the couple hosts, their names are listed first and “at their wedding” follows the request line. In the case where the couple wishes to have each parent’s name on the invitation, no matter the host, the host line is still reserved for the ones paying, a “son of” or “daughter of” line appropriately follows the groom or bride’s name. If both families host, the bride’s parents are listed first.

The request line, on the other hand, is very simple. For religious ceremonies, “request the honour of your presence” is standard (with the “u” in there). Informal or non-religious ceremonies should be worded, “request the pleasure of your company.”  The date and time line should be spelled out (i.e., the second of June and Two thousand and ten), though you may use a numeral for the year. When stating time, only write the hour (half past two or ten o’clock). Do not include “am” or “pm.” If time of day is unclear, write, “in the evening,” or “in the morning.” The location line gives the name, street address, if necessary, and city and state (no abbreviations) of your venue. If your celebration requires a reception or RSVP line, it is traditionally printed as corner copy (in the lower left-hand corner and in a smaller font). Never, ever, ever include corner copy or an enclosure indicating where the couple is registered. Never

Invitations are typically written without punctuation. Line breaks take the place of commas (except for city {comma} state). The “u” in honour and favour are typically reserved for religious ceremonies or very formal events.

What do I do if a wedding check from a guest bounces?

Don’t say a word! The bank will notify your guest and they will likely mail you another check. When you write the thank you note, don’t make any mention of the bounced check.

I’m allowing my guests to bring dates to our wedding only if they are in long term relationships. Should I make an expception for one of my bridesmaids who is single? Should I allow her to bring a date.

Yes!

We’re having a cupcake wedding “cake” and wonder if we cut into a cupcake together or just skip it all together?

Well, although super cute, they aren’t actually wedding cakes. Cutting into one is just not the same as cutting into a large tiered cake. Why not just each hold a cupcake and take a bite, or hold one and take a photo.

My mom’s friend is a florist and has offered to do my flowers at a discount. While I appreciate the gesture, I want to go with a different, hip & trendy florist. How do I turn her down without hurting her feelings?

It depends on who’s paying. If you’re paying, let the friend know that while you appreciate her generosity very much, you have already chosen another florist. If your mom is the one paying, you just need to understand that sometimes parental wedding money have strings attached. If you must go with mom’s florist, give her as much direction as possible and be grateful for the extra attention.

I have two close friends, Steve and Carol who just divorced. Both are attending my wedding and Steve is planning on bringing a date. Do I have to let him and should I warn Carol?

Yes, you have to let him (you’re not the date police). Yes, warn Carol, who may want to bring a hottie of her own. Do not seat them at the same table.

I found this gem in the The Knot magazine. I love it because it really shows that being in a wedding, although a huge honor, can also be a huge expense. It’s best to be straightforward with the numbers when asking someone to be in your wedding party.
Here are the estimates:

Shower……………………………………$50 - $100

Shower Gift………………………………$25 - $75

Bachelorette Party………………………$50 - $200

Dress/Alterations………………………..$300 - $400

Shower……………………………………$50 - $100

Shoes/Jewelry…………………………..$75 - $150

Hair/Makeup……………………………..$75 - $100

Wedding Gift……………………………..$50 - $150

Travel Expense…………………………..$200 - $1000

credit: The Knot Magazine

Who should send them?

Couples getting married on a holiday weekend, at a destination location or those inviting a majority guests from out of town. Other than that, they’re super fun, but not mandatory.

When do you send them?

Mail them at least six months (but no more than a year) before your wedding.

What information should they include?

An announcement of your nuptials (”We’re getting married!”), your names, the wedding date, the location and the words, “invitation to follow.” You may also provide your wedding website and any hotel and travel information if you’d like.

Well, the great thing about having your own blog (key words: YOUR OWN) is that I get to put myself in charge of any and all categories!

Okay, so originally when I started this blog and considered doing etiquette predicaments, I seriously wanted to barf at the idea of having to get all prim and proper and careful about how I was going to write it. Would I offend people? Would I have to write like I was Emily Post? Both would have me sitting here at the computer for hours editing and editing, so I got to thinking…why not just write these little etiquette dilemmas as if I were talking to a bunch of gals? Really, it’s the only way I can write this little blog and I don’t have to constantly bug other people, asking them, “read this before I post it, does it sound ok?”

Back to the real question…Does Cami Even Know What She’s Talking About?”
Imagine how embarrassing this whole thing would be if I didn’t.
I literally POUR and POUR over all things etiquette. Big, huge, thick heavy etiquette books to really thin, skinny pocket etiquette books. Modern etiquette books which talk about the groom’s blackberry ringing while you’re walking down the aisle to more classic etiquette books featuring how to cook a pleasant meal for your mother-in-law for the first time. And there’s also the endless magazine columns (mostly bridal) and the tons of websites…

So I promise to try to always find the best and most useful tips for my readers. If you disagree, want to make a comment or share a great story - PLEASE DO!
I can’t wait to hear from you!