Writing thank you notes can be quite a big job, especially if you wait until the last minute. If you start the job as soon as gifts begin to arrive, you’ll find this final important task congenial and gratifying.

Get Organized!
Buy thank-you cards ahead of time and set up a spreadsheet when you begin addressing your invitations. This will help to help keep track of the correct spelling of names, addresses and phone numbers. Use this list to record guests’ responses and, ultimately, gifts you receive. When you open presents, immediately record who gave you what. Despite your best efforts, a few gifts may become separated from their cards. If the gift was from your registry, call the store to see if it has a record of who purchased it. If not, you may have to try figuring it out by the process of elimination.

How Much Time Do You Have?
Ideally, you should acknowledge every present immediately; writing a note within a couple of days is best, But sending it within two weeks is also acceptable. Absolutely do not wait any longer than three months. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have one year.

To ensure the task doesn’t become too overwhelming, write notes in small batches. Diane Warner, author of “Contemporary Guide to Wedding Etiquette” (Career Press; 2005), offers this strategy: “Set a goal of writing three or four thank-you notes per day. Don’t try to tackle them all at once, otherwise they may tend to become too brief or start sounding trite.” She also recommends that both the bride and the groom divide the note-writing duties, which theoretically should cut the time it takes to complete the entire job in half.

What Should Our Notes Look Like?
For weddings, the most traditional thank-you cards are white or ecru and measure approximately 3 1/2 by 5 inches, with a top fold. They can be monogrammed or embossed with a motif you’ve used on other decorations; many couples buy thank-you notes that match the style of their invitations. With a monogram, remember that it’s improper to adopt your married monogram until after the ceremony. You might combine the initials of your first names, instead, or use different cards for thank-you notes that are sent out before the wedding date. There are also lots of beautiful store-bought note cards, even some with letterpress designs.

What To Say?

You don’t need to write a lot — four or five sentences will suffice — as long as what you do express is heartfelt. Identify the gift, say why you appreciate it, why it has a personal meaning for you, and how you plan to use it. If the giver came to the wedding, especially from a distance, also include a sentence thanking him for attending: “Thank you for coming to our wedding. Your presence made our day extra special. David and I love the coffeemaker. We’ve used it every day since we got back from our honeymoon. Thanks so much.” For cash gifts, you need not mention the dollar amount, but it’s a nice touch to say how you plan to spend the money. (”Robert and I are putting the money toward our new patio furniture. We hope you’ll come for a visit with us soon.”) Every giver — even someone whose present you did not like very much — deserves to receive a sincere expression of your thanks.

Who Should Write and Sign?
It is customary for just one person to write and sign each note, mentioning his or her spouse’s appreciation (”Robert and I want to thank you. . . .Love, Sarah”). However, co-authored notes, signed by both the bride and groom, are also acceptable. One easy way to share the work is for the bride to write to her own family members and friends, and the groom to his. The sign-off should reflect your relationship to the recipient. “Love” is suitable for close friends and family;  “sincerely” may be the most appropriate when you’re writing to someone such as your manager at work. You needn’t sign off with your full names with people you’re close to, but you may want to use them in thank-you notes to business associates and friends of your parents.

Thank you notes are a must. You know that. So when writing them, be sure to follow some simple guidelines for a note that will make a lovely impression.

Gifts of Money
Don’t mention the amount, but tell them how you’ll use the money. Example:

Dear Uncle Angelo,                                                                                                                                    Brad and I were thrilled with your very generous and thoughtful gift. You have brought us one step closer to our dream house. We are looking forward to seeing you again when we’re back in Oregon for the holidays! Love, Anna and Brad

Gifts You Already Have (or already exchanged it)
Don’t mention the situation or say how you’ll use it. Instead, talk about the gift itself. Example:

Dear Uncle Angelo,                                                                                                                                    Brad and I want to thank you for the crystal vase. The design is so lovely and elegant. You’re clearly a man with excellent taste! We were so happy you were able to attend the wedding. Love, Anna and Brad

You Don’t Know The Person Who Gave You the Gift
Focus on happy you were to meet her at the wedding

Dear Mrs. Dwight,                                                                                                                                       Thank you for the beautiful crystal candle holders. They will look perfect on our dining room table. My parents have always spoken so highly of you and Brad and I can’t wait to finally meet you at the wedding. (I’ll be the woman wearing the white dress!) Sincerely, Anna and Brad

Group Gifts
Definitely send individual thank you’s, but acknowledge the whole group.

Dear Bruce,                                                                                                                                                Thank you for the gas grill. It’s got all the bells and whistles – just what we’ve been wanting! We feel so lucky to have friends who know us so well. You and Kayla will have to come by soon for Bruce’s famous steaks! Warmly, Anna

You Hate It. It’s Hideous.
Don’t be a phony and rave, but instead be positive and grateful.

Dear Aunt Susan,                                                                                                                                              Brad and I want to thank you for the croaking frog clock. The sound it makes every hour reminds me of the fun summers we spent by the huge pond on your property. We were so happy you were able to attend the wedding and look forward to seeing you over the holidays. Love, Anna and Brad

You Have No Idea What the Gift Is
Yup, it happens. You have no clue what it is. Focus on the gift rather than the mystery of what is.

Dear Michelle and Robert,                                                                                                                                Brad and I want to thank you for the lovely wedding gift. You are such a creative and caring couple and we are so lucky to have you as friends. Please come over and see our new place soon! Love, Anna and Brad

While reading this month’s issue of “Bride’s” magazine, I came across this little bit in the column titled “Etiquette Police.”

You go to a bridal shower and each guest is asked to write her name and address on a blank envelope to help the bride with her thank you notes. The question was, “Is it tacky?”

Um…Yes.